We really don’t need to “fix ourselves.” So why is it that when we come up against something in our lives, perhaps a new job, a new task, an opportunity that is new to us, etc. we tend to immediately isolate our thoughts and minds on the reasons why not, why it won’t work out? Fear enters in that can slow us down if not stop us. Briefly, our excitement sets in to see the opportunity but somehow the negative thinking starts slowly but surely seeping back in…all the reasons it won’t work, what if all fails, am I capable, maybe it won’t work, what if I screw up, what will others think, why change and enter the “unknown” zone, what will I have to give up, is the risk worth it, etc. Our thinking resorts to the common thought of “why not” versus total excitement about the results we can create. And as a result of all or even some of that, we slither back to our lives as we know them (aka “the known zone”) which is safe BUT will never get us to the point of living that totally fulfilled life!
Where does this thinking come from? Well, let’s actually look back at our true beginning…as babies coming out of the womb. We are untouched by the world and just have a “blank slate” for a mind. There are no limitations in our minds…mostly because there is nothing there. In our first few years, we truly do not accumulate any subconscious thoughts as we are truly in more of a survival instinct. So, when we start moving, we really have no thoughts that we can’t crawl, walk, etc. In fact, our sense of infallibility must be tempered by good parenting or we end up physically endangering ourselves. When we start getting up to walk, we don’t give up after we flop down on our rear end but rather “fall down six times and get up seven.” We are unstoppable in our energy and efforts to create whatever it is we are given to do by our parents/mimic our brothers and sisters, whatever. In fact, it is almost to the point that we will attempt all the difficult things our older siblings do which actually can put us in harm’s way unless an adult is around to guide us. You see, we have no inherent understanding of fear or judgment on danger.
So, where does it come from? We get programmed by our parents, our siblings, and our experiences from which we start drawing conclusions, right or wrong. These are all learned behaviors. Necessary? Well, yes so we can have good judgment around things that truly might endanger us (i.e. climbing into the cage with a lion in the zoo), but much of it is learned behavior from experiences we have where we get laughed at, or fail and our egos/emotions are bruised. The greater the emotions involved, typically the stronger the negative belief i.e. “I can’t,” fear. So, the confidence wains. Then there are the fears that we get programmed with: fear of failure, fear of looking stupid, fear of not being liked, etc.
One thing is for sure: mental status quo is hard to change…we will need to fight against the normal flow, fight our “known zone” which has a strong desire to stay fixed. But to achieve the success we only dream of, starting with setting us free from limiting programming is absolutely required (unless we want to bank on “winning the lottery” or the like which is 1 in 10 million chance so not a true prospect).
Click here to get a “Quick Confidence Check-Up” to assess your level of Confidence. If you don’t dare to be wrong on who you are, you will stay stuck in who you will become!
