People define stress as a feeling of being overwhelmed or unable to cope with mental or emotional pressure. Is stress a reality of living on this earth? I not only think so but absolutely know so. Just look around our world today at outside stressors: Ukraine War, Covid, inflation, politics, etc. Then we have all of those “inside” stressors: job, money, relationships, school, family, etc. The amount of stress is somewhat optional and we will further examine that, but as long as you feel you are called to be in relationships, have a family, have just an animal, and/or have decent employment or self-employed income-earning activity, you are virtually guaranteed to have stress in your life from time to time (and I am not discounting those of you who claim it is all the time).
So, can we conclude that stress in certain situations is not optional but our reality? Before we get into how to handle it, let’s truly look at how we create a lot of our own stress…as in many if not most situations it is just a choice! WHY or HOW can I say that other than the fact that it is true? Because just examine your own life over the past 7 days. Truly, take out a pad and paper and think back today…what has stressed you out just today…and then go back to yesterday and again the day before until you have walked through your past seven days. If you are having a hard time remembering, just ask your spouse or significant other, or best friend who has heard from you every day…and they will begin to shed some light on your stress.
You see, we get stressed when our spouse squeezes the toothpaste wrong, or fails to flush the toilet, or failed to launder our favorite shirt we were going to wear to the Board meeting today, or left the gas empty in the car, or…(too many words for this short blog to exhaust the entire list). Am I right or right? The inner game of life can trigger high levels of stress just due to carrying out other responsibilities.
So, the blog is not about whether stress is a reality as we all acknowledge that. The quest we each should have for our lives is to develop a self-serving way to respond to “stressors.”
Are we getting the picture? Anger percolates and our stressors are at work inside. Just “follow yourself around” for a day and have a little notepad where each time you get anxious around something, immediately record it (or, more probably, when you finally get over it as in the midst of the stress, it will be hard to record anything).
So, if we all can truly see how stress enters into all of our lives, let us learn how to respond! I choose to manage it…I choose to control my mindset around it and thus, interpret any given event as “here it is, how do I choose to respond, giving up no control over me to what has just happened.” You see, stress is just a mindset. If we choose to live life resiliently, fully understanding that anything can happen at any time as so much about life is unpredictable, but also acknowledging that we are always able to respond, then we truly can significantly reduce the stress. And with the reduction in stress, then the reduction in “loss of control” and stress-driven behavior which typically only creates more issues (health and others) in our lives.
There are plenty of articles written about how to deal with stress but my preference is to truly help people “control their mind” around those things that are invariably going to happen to us. At the moment we might feel some fear, anxiety, anger, or even hopelessness, but that is temporary unless we engage with it. Recognize we are truly “at choice.” Bad things happen to good people…accidents occur, there is not always a “visible light at the end of the tunnel…but know that whatever it is, you still are in control. Perhaps not in control of what has just happened, or happens next, but you and only you control how you respond. The world around us tells us to get angry, upset, fight back, get revenge, etc. All of those responses just lead to more stress, more costs some of which we will never overcome, but why do we do it? Because we “get to be right.” Classic ways to deal with stress are also shut down, escape, depression, self-destruction, etc.
Can we just stop? Smell the roses. Bad things, unexpected things happen to the best of people so why not me? Yes, they will, and some at the most inopportune time. Learn how to make lemonade out of lemons as the old saying goes. All those negative, energy-burning, emotion-draining responses will get you nowhere. Stand tall! Yes, you can. Show the world that you can withstand the ups and the downs we are all guaranteed to experience in this life we live.
Make your list of stressors…what triggers you. Then list alternative ways to control them or respond as you are always at choice how you respond. Plan better to avoid stressful endeavors, and control those emotions when they happen. One of my favorites is “this too will pass…” and you know, I have never been wrong!
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